Bandit Romeo & Sailor Juliet
by Pilot-Duo
Summary: Minako decides to put on a play, dragging Tasuki and Duo along. What will the outcome be? (OOCness, SM, FY, GW, Kodocha, OCs)
1. Introduction

((All righty. . . .*clears throat* Hear ye, hear ye. In this fanfic,  
characters from the following series will represent some people I know.  
Also, there are some original characters (Are they characters? They're  
people I know!). *ahems* I do not own Fushigi Yuugi (as Tasuki will  
represent my Bro), Sailor Moon (Aino Minako will represent the poor blonde  
of whom is victim to my merciless teasing), Kodomo no Omocha [or Kodocha  
for short] (Kurata Sana represents the poor Canadian of whom I pick on), or  
Gundam Wing (Duo = me; Duh), blah blah blah. Now, on with the madness!))  
  
"Bandit Romeo & Sailor Juliet"  
  
+introduction+  
  
Duo: Friggin' Suzaku, it's boring as hell today . . .  
  
Tasuki: Then go do something, dumbass.  
  
Duo: *rolls his eyes* It wouldn't BE boring if there WAS something to do,  
y'know?  
  
Tasuki: Yeah, yeah . . .  
  
Minako: I got an idea!  
  
Duo: *gasps* The Blonde One thinks!  
  
Minako: Damare, kuso atama [1]. ANYWAYS, why don't we put on a play?  
  
Duo: What kind of a play?  
  
Minako: Romeo & Juliet! *smiles cutely*  
  
*the sound of leaves calmly blowing in the wind*  
  
Minako: What . . .? I think it's a GREAT idea!  
  
Duo: YOU think it's a great idea! We all know Bro can't act!  
  
Tasuki: Psh!  
  
Minako: See, we can get Kookie-san to narrate, and Tasuki-Sempai can be  
Romeo, and of course, -I'LL- be Juliet! *flicks her golden mane, bishoujo  
style*  
  
Duo: Riiiiiight . . .  
  
Minako: C'mon, let's do it!  
  
Tasuki: Feh. All right. I'm in.  
  
Duo: What?! You mean you're really going to . . .?  
  
Tasuki: Yeah. Weren't you just bitchin' 'bout how boring it was?  
  
Duo: But-  
  
Minako: No buts about it, Midget! We're putting on a play!  
  
Duo: *facefaults* You guys suck . . .  
  
*Later on that day, Kookie-san arrives*  
  
Minako: Kookie-san! Just the person we need!  
  
Kookie-san: Huh? *looks confused*  
  
Minako: We're putting on a play, and we need someone to be the narrator!  
Can you do it for us? Pleeeeeease?  
  
Duo: Heh, "do it for us" . . . *snickers*  
  
Minako & Kookie-san: PERVERT!  
  
Duo: *grins innocently*  
  
Kookie-san: What kind of a play?  
  
Tasuki: Romeo and Juliet.  
  
Kookie-san: Oh, OK!  
  
Duo: Who am I gonna be . . .?  
  
Tasuki: Bro, you're gonna be Mercutio, because he's Romeo's best friend!  
  
Duo: Er, woahkay!  
  
*Sana struts in, literally*  
  
Minako: Nahnahbread!  
  
Duo: My ho!  
  
Tasuki: Hey Nanners  
  
Sana: Hiya~  
  
Minako: Nahnahbread, wanna be in our play?  
  
Sana: What kind of a play?  
  
Kookie-san: Romeo& Juliet!  
  
Sana: Oh, all right. Who'll I be?  
  
Duo: THE FAT NURSE!!  
  
Sana: I'M NOT FAT!  
  
Tasuki: XDD Yeah, let's make Nanners the nurse!  
  
Sana: ;-;  
  
Minako: Awe c'mon Nahnahbread! It'll be fun!  
  
Sana: All right  
  
*suddenly, a random herd of elk run by, all leaded by a woman chasing after  
them*  
  
Callie: COME BACK HERE! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO REVOLUTIONIZE THE WORLD!!  
  
Tasuki: VEEEERRRRRRRR!!! *attempting to sound like an elk*  
  
Callie: Nini! You gotta put more gas into it, like THIS!! *takes a deep  
breath* VVVVEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!  
  
Tasuki: *rolls over laughing*  
  
Minako: Wifey! Wanna be in our play?  
  
Callie: Sure! What kind of play?  
  
Duo: Romeo & Juliet!  
  
Callie: Oh! OK! Who am I going to be?  
  
Minako: Uhh . . .  
  
Tasuki: Umm . . .  
  
Duo: . . . LADY CAPULET!!  
  
Minako: Yeah! You can be my mommy!  
  
Callie: OK!  
  
Tasuki: We have a major cast shortage . . .  
  
Sana: What about the villain?  
  
Minako: What villain?  
  
Duo: Paris?  
  
Tasuki: Tybalt?  
  
Kookie-san: Yeah, the villain!  
  
Duo: Hehehe . . . *smirks* The Nose . . .  
  
Tasuki: Adam!  
  
Duo and Tasuki: *bursts into fits of laughter*  
  
Minako: You guys! That's not funny! Bakas . . .  
  
Callie: So when do we start this play?  
  
Minako: Oh, anytime!  
  
Kookie-san: We might have to give people additional characters.  
  
Sana: Fine with me.  
  
Tasuki: Or we might have to find new people along the way, like maybe Ami-  
san, or Touma-san, or Miles . . .  
  
Duo: Yeah. We'll call 'em when or if we need 'em.  
  
Minako: All righty! Let's get it on!  
  
Duo: Let's, Minako! *winks*  
  
Minako: PERVERT!  
  
~~~  
  
[1] Shut up, shit head. (Obscene, isn't it?)  
  
((That was just the introduction. Next chapter, act 1, scene 1!)) 


	2. Prologue

((All righty. . . .*clears throat* Hear ye, hear ye. In this fanfic,  
characters from the following series will represent some people I know.  
Also, there are some original characters (Are they characters? They're  
people I know!). *ahems* I do not own Fushigi Yuugi (as Tasuki will  
represent my Bro), Sailor Moon (Aino Minako will represent the poor blonde  
of whom is victim to my merciless teasing and Mizuno Ami will represent the  
sarcastic bloonette), Kodomo no Omocha [or Kodocha for short] (Kurata Sana  
represents the poor Canadian of whom I pick on), or Gundam Wing (Quatre  
represents my current koibito, and Duo = me; Duh), blah blah blah. I also  
don't own William Shakespeare's 'Romeo and Juliet'. Now, on with the  
madness!))  
  
PROLOGUE  
  
Kookie-san: Two families, both all high class and snobby~  
In the run-down streets of Verona, where this play takes place~  
From a really old grudge where just about the whole town is involved~  
From forth the main characters for this tale~  
A pair of cross-eyed lovers die~  
Whole with their adventure, blah blah blah~  
And with their deaths their families conflicts end~  
The passing of their souls~  
And the continuing of their parent's rage~  
Which, if it were not for their children's death, would still be in  
conflict~  
Is now the next few pages on ff.net~  
If you sit through this~  
You will surely memorize it~  
  
Duo: Dude, where the hell did you get THAT? That's not in the play!  
  
Kookie-san: Of course it isn't. I translated it because I don't want to  
use ten words to get across a point a three worded sentence could get by.  
  
Duo: Uh . . . Woahkay!  
  
Minako: For act1, scene 1, we'll need Samson, Gregory, Abraham, Benvolio,  
Tybalt, Lord and Lady Capulet, Lord and Lady Montague, Prince, and Romeo.  
  
Duo: You mean Prince as in the artist formally known as Prince?  
  
Tasuki: No, dumbass. Prince Escalus, or whatever.  
  
Sana: So far, we got me as the Nurse, Minako as Juliet, Tastas as Romeo,  
Duo as Mercutio, Callie as Lady Capulet, and Kookie-san as the narrator.  
  
Duo: *waves his arms around like an idiot* I wanna be the Elizabethan drug  
dealer!  
  
Kookie-san: The what?  
  
Duo: The Apothecary! The one who deals drugs with Romeo! I mean, since my  
character's gonna be dead an all.  
  
Callie: NaeNae! Some people haven't seen the play yet!  
  
Duo: Oh? C'mon, who hasn't read 'Romeo & Juliet' in high school?  
Seriously. Besides, our version is just an up-to-date messed-up-on-crack  
remake!  
  
Callie: *laughs* True!  
  
Kookie-san: For Samson and Gregory we can have . . .  
  
Duo: Tyler as Gregory!  
  
Tasuki: And Miki as Samson!  
  
*both Duo and Tasuki once again burst into fits of laughter*  
  
Minako: OK, we'll get them together for this. What about Abraham?  
  
Duo: Daughter!  
  
Kookie-san: Yooky'll be Abraham?  
  
Tasuki: Why not?  
  
Minako: All right! What about Benvolio?  
  
Kookie-san: Mr. Tohma-san!  
  
Duo: Q-chan?  
  
Tasuki: Yeah! OK, now Adam's going to be Tybalt. End of story.  
  
Sana: What about Lord Capulet?  
  
Minako: What about Miles for him?  
  
Duo: That works. We can have Luis-daddeh for Lord Montague.  
  
Callie: Lady Montague!  
  
Duo: Ami-san!  
  
Sana: Prince Escalus?  
  
Duo: *thinks* Uh . . .  
  
Tasuki: TamaYouji!  
  
Minako: That works! **!  
  
Duo: I wanna be Romeo! Because then I'll get a hot, kinky sex scene!  
  
Tasuki: *glares at Duo*  
  
Minako: S-SEX SCENE?!  
  
Duo: Yeah, you didn't know? Romeo and Juliet get it ON! *randomly pelvic  
thrusts the air*  
  
Minako: *turns pale and suddenly feels faint*  
  
Callie: What about Paris? And the Friars, Lawrence and John?  
  
Tasuki: Dale can be Paris . . .  
  
Duo: HE'S GONNA EAT POOR MINAKO!!  
  
*various fits of laughter ensure*  
  
Tasuki: Mr. Tohma-san can be Friar Lawrence, since I don't think him and  
Benvolio appear at the same time. John can be . . .  
  
Duo: Miles!  
  
Sana: What about the Nurse's attendant?  
  
Callie: Peter!  
  
Minako: That'll be Heff!!  
  
Tasuki: What about Romeo's servant, or attendant, or whatever? Balthasar,  
right?  
  
Kookie-san: *waves her arms around frantically* Me! ME!!  
  
Duo: Woahkay, now for Rosaline . . .  
  
Tasuki: Kerry. 'Nuff said.  
  
Minako: *jumps cheerfully* That's the entire cast, right? *beams*  
  
Duo: Dude, Blondie-chan, your skirt just flew up when you jumped . . .  
  
Minako PERVERT!!!  
  
Kookie-san: Character list review! *grabs a pen and paper and writes down  
the following*  
  
Romeo: Tasuki  
  
Juliet: Minako  
  
Mercutio: Duo  
  
Benvolio: Quatre  
  
Lord Capulet: Miles  
  
Lady Capulet: Callie  
  
Lord Montague: Luis  
  
Lady Montague: Ami-san  
  
Tybalt: Adam  
  
Paris: Dale  
  
Prince Escalus: TamaYouji  
  
Friar Lawrence: Quatre  
  
Friar John: Miles  
  
The Nurse: Sana  
  
Peter: Heff  
  
Balthasar: Kookie-san  
  
Samson: Miki  
  
Gregory: Tyler  
  
Rosaline: Kerry  
  
Abraham: Yooky  
  
The Apothecary: Duo  
  
Narrator: Kookie-san  
  
Duo: I'd say we're about good to go. Anyone disagree?  
  
*either everyone agrees or they're ignoring Duo . . . again*  
  
Duo: *sweatdrops* Fine! Be that way! *folds his arms stubbornly*  
  
~~~  
  
A/N: OK, NOW the next chapter will have act 1, scene 1! My bad . . . Just  
had to get the cast list in~ 


	3. Act 1, Scene 1

((All righty. . . .*clears throat* Hear ye, hear ye. In this fanfic,  
characters from the following series will represent some people I know.  
Also, there are some original characters (Are they characters? They're  
people I know!). *ahems* I do not own Fushigi Yuugi (as Tasuki will  
represent my Bro), Sailor Moon (Aino Minako will represent the poor blonde  
of whom is victim to my merciless teasing and Mizuno Ami will represent the  
sarcastic bloonette), Kodomo no Omocha [or Kodocha for short] (Kurata Sana  
represents the poor Canadian of whom I pick on), or Gundam Wing (Quatre  
represents my current koibito, and Duo = me; Duh), blah blah blah. I also  
don't own William Shakespeare's 'Romeo and Juliet'. Now, on with the  
madness!))  
  
ACT 1, SCENE 1  
  
*setting, Verona; in a public place. No, not the bathroom, either. More  
like the streets, or a market place, or something. Enter Samson and  
Gregory (they're from the Montague's)*  
  
Samson (Miki): Tyler, I'm bored.  
  
Gregory (Tyler): Idiot, my name's Gregory!  
  
Samson: Oh, my bad. Anyways, uh . . . *looks dumbly at script* I want to  
take over the Montague house.  
  
Gregory: I'll support you if I have too.  
  
Samson: Take the fortune, rape the maids!  
  
Gregory: You're scaring me . . .  
  
Samson: Well, that's what it says in the script . . .  
  
Gregory: Shut up, here comes two Montague's!  
  
Samson: *reading dully* I am naked. Wait! I mean, my sword is naked. If  
they want to fight, and then fight we shall!  
  
Gregory: I hope you didn't just make that up . . . Anyways, does it look  
like they're running away to you?  
  
Samson: No, they're coming back. Must be on acid or something.  
  
Gregory: Anyways, en garde!  
  
Samson: Oh look. I feel like flipping them off just because they're  
Montague's.  
  
*enter Abraham and Balthasar*  
  
Abraham (Yooky): Are you flipping us off?  
  
Samson: Yes I am.  
  
Abraham: Dare you flip us off?  
  
Samson: Didn't you just ask us that?  
  
Abraham: No, dumbass. It's in the script.  
  
Samson: Oh. Well, I flipped you off, but just because I feel like flipping  
off the air.  
  
Gregory: Are you trying to start something, sir?  
  
*meanwhile, Balthasar (Kookie-san), is distracted by a random, shiny object  
on the ground*  
  
Abraham: Uh, no.  
  
Samson: If you are, I'll take you on!  
  
Gregory: I'll tell on you, because here comes one of my master's men!  
  
Abraham: Damn liar.  
  
Samson: If you're a man, DRAW!  
  
*as Samson and Abraham sword fight, then Balthasar randomly grabs a sword  
and charges after Gregory, just to blend in. Benvolio enters the scene*  
  
Benvolio (Quatre): Stop it! You don't know what you're doing!  
  
*enter Tybalt*  
  
Tybalt (The Nose *aka* Adam): Dude, are you just watching them? That's  
pretty lame. Just because there are fights going on, and you're a  
Montague, I challenge you. Now, fight or die!  
  
Benvolio: I don't want fighting! I just want peace! Can't we all just get  
along? But if you insist . . . *draws his sword*  
  
Tybalt: Pft! Peace! I hate that word! It's not in my vocabulary. I'm a  
violent mofo'! I hate ALL Montague's; they deserve to go to HELL! C'mon,  
coward!  
  
*both Tybalt and Benvolio begin fighting, as soon do a lot of citizens*  
  
Duo posing as a citizen: BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA EVERYONE IN SIGHT! DOWN WITH  
THE CAPULETS AND MONTAGUES! WE JUST WANT PEACE! *beats the shit out of  
people along with people*  
  
*enter Lord and Lady Capulet; Lady Capulet mounted on her trusty Elk*  
  
Lord Capulet (Miles): What noise is this? Give me my long sword, ho!  
  
Lady Capulet (Callie): DID YOU JUST CALL ME A HO?!  
  
Lord Capulet: Hey, it's in the old script . . . *points*  
  
Lady Capulet: Oh. Anyways, why do you want your sword?  
  
Lord Capulet: Because here comes Lord Montague, my enemy!  
  
*enter Lord and Lady Montague*  
  
Lord Montague (Luis): Oh, look! It's Lord Capulet! Let me at 'em! Let me  
at 'em!!  
  
Lady Montague (Ami): No.  
  
*enter Prince Escalus and his harem of attendants*  
  
Prince (TamaYouji): People, please, stop fighting. You fight as if you  
were beasts. It's like rage and violence runs in your veins! Throw your  
weapons to the ground and hear me out! You, Capulet and Montague, disturb  
the peace of this town even though you just arrived! Your ancestors and  
relatives won't let peace settle in this town because of your freakin'  
fights. If you ever disturb the peace again, we shall execute you.  
Capulet, come with me. Montague, I'll see you this afternoon. We're going  
to try to make a judgment that will better benefit the peacefulness of this  
town, 'aight? Break!  
  
*everyone but Lord and Lady Montague and Benvolio leave*  
  
Lord Montague: Who started this shit?! Was it you, nephew?! . . . Hey,  
that rhymed.  
  
Benvolio: Eh, I came when our servants were fighting. I tried to break 'em  
up, but then mean ol' Tybalt came. He must've been on PMS or something.  
Anyways, in order to keep him from hurting himself and others, I fought  
him. Then that's when Prince came and broke up everything.  
  
Lady Montague: Where's Romeo? Have you seen him today?  
  
Benvolio: I saw him early this morning, but when he saw me, he ran. I  
didn't comb out my hair yet, by the way, at the time.  
  
Lord Montague: *grumbles* Idiot son. He's been kind of depressed lately .  
. .  
  
Benvolio: Oh dear uncle, do you know why?  
  
Lord Montague: No, I don't, actually.  
  
Benvolio: Have you tried to find out?  
  
Lord Montague: Me and many friends tried to squeeze it out of him, but he  
won't talk.  
  
*enter Romeo*  
  
Benvolio: Speak of the devil, here he is. I'll try to pry it out of him.  
  
Lord Montague: I'd like to stay and be nosey, but I just can't 'cause the  
script won't let me, y'know? C'mon, o wife of mine. I need my foot  
massage.  
  
Lady Montague: Sick! You have servants for that!  
  
*exit Lord and Lady Montague*  
  
Benvolio: Good morrow, cousin.  
  
Romeo (Tasuki): It's only morning?  
  
Benvolio: It's barely nine.  
  
Romeo: Damn! The morning's been so frickin' slow . . . Why'd Pops leave so  
quickly?  
  
Benvolio: I have to ask you this, first. Only depressed people see slow  
hours. What's making you depressed?  
  
Romeo: Not having something.  
  
Benvolio: Love?  
  
Romeo: How'd you know?  
  
Benvolio: I don't. It was in the script.  
  
Romeo: Oh. Anyways, kinda.  
  
Benvolio: In love or something?  
  
Romeo: Bleh. She doesn't know I exist.  
  
Benvolio: Ah, I see. Love can be so gentle, yet so rough, as it is in your  
case.  
  
Romeo: Don't push it, Ben.  
  
Benvolio: It's true. Just look at your situation.  
  
Romeo: Anyways, yeah. It's blinded me and making me think a lot. Like,  
about life an' such. Strange, 'cause this never happened to me. I want it  
to happen, and yet, I don't. It sucks ASS, dude. Anyways, go ahead and  
laugh.  
  
Benvolio: I'm sorry what were you saying?  
  
Romeo: . . .  
  
Benvolio: Just kidding. I won't laugh. I'd rather cry.  
  
Romeo: Why?  
  
Benvolio: Because your heart is just so moving! It brings a tear to my  
eye! *sniffles*  
  
Romeo: *sighs* Love is evil, love is good. Anyways, I gotta jet.  
  
Benvolio: Wait, I'll go with you! If you leave me, you'll be hurting my  
sensitive soul!  
  
Romeo: I'm not here!  
  
Benvolio: Yeah you are. *pokes him*  
  
Romeo: Aye! Not literally, idiot!  
  
Benvolio: Oh.  
  
Romeo: Anyways, what should I do about her?  
  
Benvolio: If I were you, I'd say go for her. That's what I did to  
Mercutio.  
  
Romeo: What?!  
  
Benvolio: Er, nothing.  
  
Romeo: Anyways, yes, I shall try! She's freakin' HOT!  
  
Benvolio: I think you should forget about her.  
  
Romeo: What? Weren't you just telling me . . .?  
  
Benvolio: Yeah, but I changed my mind. Anyways, just forget about it.  
  
Romeo: *dramatic sigh* That I cannot do, Mr. Tohma-san.  
  
Benvolio: My names Benvolio.  
  
Romeo: Oh yeah. My bad.  
  
Benvolio: Anyways, I'll support you, because I don't wanna be in debt.  
  
Romeo: What . . .?  
  
Benvolio: I dunno. It was in the script. *points*  
  
Romeo: Ohhh . . .  
  
*they both exit*  
  
Narrator Kookie-san: End Act 1, Scene 1. 


	4. Act 1, Scene 2

((All righty. . . .*clears throat* Hear ye, hear ye. In this fanfic,  
characters from the following series will represent some people I know.  
Also, there are some original characters (Are they characters? They're  
people I know!). *ahems* I do not own Fushigi Yuugi (as Tasuki will  
represent my Bro), Sailor Moon (Aino Minako will represent the poor blonde  
of whom is victim to my merciless teasing and Mizuno Ami will represent the  
sarcastic bloonette), Kodomo no Omocha [or Kodocha for short] (Kurata Sana  
represents the poor Canadian of whom I pick on), or Gundam Wing (Quatre  
represents my current koibito, and Duo = me; Duh), blah blah blah. I also  
don't own William Shakespeare's 'Romeo and Juliet'. Now, on with the  
madness!))  
  
"ACT 1, SCENE 2"  
  
*enter Lord Capulet, Paris, and servant*  
  
Lord Capulet (Miles): Lord Montague and I think alike; we're friggin' old  
and we just want peace, dammit!  
  
Paris (Lard Whale Dale): Eh. I agree with you, seeing as how old and  
incredibly fat as I am, I can't say that I don't like your wish for peace.  
Anyways, why now all of a sudden?  
  
Lord Capulet: OK, here's the deal. I got a daughter whose gonna be  
fourteen soon, and me and the Misses kinda want her hitched. Get what I'm  
sayin'?  
  
Paris: She eleven? Twelve? I love my girls small and young! *big blob of  
slobber makes its way down his double chin*  
  
Lord Capulet: . . . That's freakin' sick. Wipe off that drool, foo', she's  
only thirteen. Do the math! *throws a towel at Paris*  
  
Paris: Sorry. I'm hungry, now.  
  
Lord Capulet: ANYWAYS, she's pretty picky. And you're so . . . fat and  
visually unhandsome, so you'd have to do your damn best at woo-ing her. I  
also like the fact that you're related to Prince Escalus, and this'll  
really get some points and whatnot on my reputation. Plus, you have a lot  
of business, and Juliet, being the spoiled little girl that she is,  
wouldn't be used to be kept as a commoner. Therefore, I'm throwing a bash  
at my place so you and she could meet properly. Oh, besides that, you'll  
both inherit my house, so look at it that way. *turns to the servant and  
gives him a wad of paper* You, idiot servant of mine, go and tell everyone  
on this list that they're invited to the party tonight. BYOB- Bring Your  
Own Beer.  
  
Servant (Miki): *looks at the piece of paper like an idiot*  
  
*exit Lord Capulet and Big Ass Paris*  
  
Servant: Awe shit. I can't read . . . Dammit, who the hell is smarter than  
me? I need that person to read! Well . . . Seeing that everyone can read,  
I guess that I'm dumber than everyone . . . *flicks hair snobbishly* Fine!  
I'll go find someone to read it FOR me!  
  
*enter Romeo and Benvolio*  
  
Benvolio (Quatre): Tut, man, one fire burns out another's burning, one pain  
is lessen'd by another's anguish; turn giddy, and be holp by backward  
turning; one desperate grief cures with another's languish: take thou some  
new infection to thy eye, and the rank poison of the old will die.  
  
Romeo (Tasuki): . . . Dude, what the fuck did you just say?  
  
Benvolio: I dunno. I just read from the old script.  
  
Romeo: Oh. Anyways, look, it's a stupid servant!  
  
Servant: *beams* Of course! *pauses* Wait . . . What?  
  
Romeo and Benvolio: *snickers*  
  
Servant: Whatever. Can you read?  
  
Romeo: I think so.  
  
Servant: I meant, can you read LETTERS written on a piece of PAPER!  
  
Romeo: I can only read English, and I'll be lucky if I can read even so  
much.  
  
Servant: *beams again* Better than what I can do! Then again, mostly  
everyone is better then I am . . . Anyways, here, read! *gives him the wad  
of paper*  
  
Romeo: Yeah, I can read this. Handwriting sucks ass, though. *reads*  
'Signior Martino and his wife and daughters; County Anselme and his  
beauteous sisters; the lady widow of Vitravio; Signior Placentio and his  
lovely nieces; Mercutio and his brother Valentine; mine uncle Capulet, his  
wife and daughters; my fair niece Rosaline; Livia; Signior Valentio and his  
cousin Tybalt, Lucio and the lively Helena.' Eh. What's this all for?  
  
Servant: Up.  
  
Romeo: Yours. Where they going and why?  
  
Servant: To supper at our house.  
  
Romeo: Whose house?  
  
Servant: My master's.  
  
Romeo: Pft. Should'a asked that first.  
  
Servant: Since I have a big mouth for more uses then one, I'll tell you  
anyways. My master is Lord Capulet. If you're not a Montague, hell, come  
on down and have some fun! Bring Your Own Beer!  
  
*Servant scurries off*  
  
Benvolio: Hey cool, a beer bash. Rosaline's going to be there, Romeo.  
*wink wink nudge nudge* You should come check it out. They ALWAYS have the  
best bitches at the Capulet's beer bashes! Trust me; they'll make Rosaline  
seem like just another face in the crowd!  
  
Romeo: Like hell! Rosaline is fiiiiiine~!  
  
Benvolio: Oh, trust me! There'll be lot'sa pretty women there! Just  
c'mon! It'll be great!  
  
Romeo: Feh. All right.  
  
*both exit*  
  
Duo: Damn. That one was short.  
  
Kookie-san: Tell me about it . . . 


	5. Act 1, Scene 3

((All righty. . . .*clears throat* Hear ye, hear ye. In this fanfic,  
characters from the following series will represent some people I know.  
Also, there are some original characters (Are they characters? They're  
people I know!). *ahems* I do not own Fushigi Yuugi (as Tasuki will  
represent my Bro), Sailor Moon (Aino Minako will represent the poor blonde  
of whom is victim to my merciless teasing and Mizuno Ami will represent the  
sarcastic bloonette), Kodomo no Omocha [or Kodocha for short] (Kurata Sana  
represents the poor Canadian of whom I pick on), or Gundam Wing (Quatre  
represents my current koibito, and Duo = me; Duh), blah blah blah. I also  
don't own William Shakespeare's 'Romeo and Juliet'. Now, on with the  
madness!))  
  
"ACT 1, SCENE 3"  
  
*enter Lady Capulet and Nurse*  
  
Lady Capulet (Callie): WHERE'S MY DAUGHTER!?  
  
Nurse (Sana): *eeps!* I dunno!  
  
*enter the blonde Juliet*  
  
Juliet (Minako): You rang? *beams*  
  
Lay Capulet: Nurse, go away. Me and my daughter have to speak in secret!  
*flicks her wrist* Tah tah, bye bye now! It has something to do with her  
age!  
  
Nurse: I know how old she is!  
  
Lady Capulet: SHE'S NOT EVEN FOURTEEN, YET!!  
  
Nurse: Dir.  
  
Lady Capulet: *looks at old script* A fortnight and odd days?  
  
Nurse: Even or odd, of all days in the year, come Lammas-eve at night shall  
she be fourteen. Susan and she--God rest all Christian souls!-- were of an  
age: well, Susan is with God; she was too good for me: but, as I said, on  
Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen; that shall she, marry; I  
remember it well. 'Tis since the earthquake now eleven years; and she was  
wean'd,--I never shall forget it,-- of all the days of the year, upon that  
day: for I had then laid wormwood to my dug, sitting in the sun under the  
dove-house wall; my lord and you were then at Mantua:-- Nay, I do bear a  
brain:--but, as I said, when it did taste the wormwood on the nipple of my  
dug and felt it bitter, pretty fool, to see it tetchy and fall out with the  
dug! Shake quoth the dove-house: 'twas no need, I trow, to bid me trudge:  
and since that time it is eleven years; for then she could stand alone;  
nay, by the rood, she could have run and waddled all about; for even the  
day before, she broke her brow: and then my husband--God be with his soul!  
A' was a merry man--took up the child: 'Yea,' quoth he, 'dost thou fall  
upon thy face? Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit; wilt thou  
not, Jule?' and, by my holidame, the pretty wretch left crying and said  
'Ay.' To see, now, how a jest shall come about! I warrant, an I should live  
a thousand years, I never should forget it: 'Wilt thou not, Jule?' quoth  
he; and, pretty fool, it stinted and said 'Ay.'  
  
*a few leaves blow by*  
  
Lady Capulet: . . . That was WAAAAAAAAY over my head, Sana.  
  
Nurse: You read from the old script, and so did I!  
  
Lady Capulet: DO YOU MOCK ME?!  
  
Nurse: Of course not!  
  
Lady Capulet: Anyway, shut up.  
  
Nurse: OK.  
  
Lady Capulet: Juliet, you're going to be married.  
  
Juliet: WHAT?! I don't wanna!  
  
Nurse: If I wasn't a nurse, I'd say something.  
  
Lady Capulet: In my days, girls younger than you got married! When I was  
your age, I was already your mother! Your husband-to-be is Paris, by the  
way.  
  
Nurse: Ick. If Dale wasn't playing as him, I'd say, 'HELL YEAH GO FOR IT!'  
but Dale IS playing as him, so . . . Ick.  
  
Lady Capulet: But he is!  
  
Nurse: Sadly, I know.  
  
Lady Capulet: Anyways, what do you say, Juliet? Yay or nay? I say marry  
him, because it's in the script and all.  
  
Nurse: You should mature more after you marry him.  
  
Lady Capulet: So what is it? What do you say, daughter?  
  
Juliet: No.  
  
Lady Capulet: WHAT?!  
  
Juliet: I-I mean, I'll look into it! I gotta meet the guy first, right?  
*nervous smile*  
  
*enter Servant*  
  
Servant (Tyler): Callie, they need you.  
  
Lady Capulet: I'M LADY CAPULET, IDIOT!!  
  
Servant: Ah! I'm sorry! *bows before her* I'll never make that mistake  
again!  
  
Lady Capulet: *flicks her wrist* Arise, young idiot.  
  
Servant: *gets up* Supper is ready, the guests here, and you're needed.  
  
Lady Capulet: I'll be there in a minute.  
  
*exit Servant*  
  
Lady Capulet: Think about it, Juliet. The marriage, I mean.  
  
Nurse: You go girl!  
  
*end act 1, scene 3*  
  
Tasuki: WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH YOU IDIOTS FORGETTING YOUR CHARACTER  
NAMES?!!  
  
Miki and Tyler: Sorry! We don't know any better!!  
  
Minako: Calm down, Sempai!  
  
Kookie-san: Where's Duo?  
  
Tasuki: Prolly jackin' off somewhere.  
  
Kookie-san: Ewww.  
  
Sana: Last I saw him, he was with Quatre.  
  
Tasuki: Feh. He won't be around for another hour then. That whore.  
  
Minako: So how was my acting? *smiles cutely*  
  
Callie: OH MY GOD, WIFEY! IT WAS PERFECT!! *glomps Minako*  
  
Sana: I dislikith my acting ._.;  
  
Minako: You were good, Nahnahbread!  
  
Miles: Yeah. 'Least you didn't forget anyone's names! *glares at a couple  
of people*  
  
Ami: Everyone but Heff and Duo-san has appeared on stage.  
  
Kookie-san: Duo was on stage!  
  
Minako: A rabid commoner doesn't count!  
  
Ami-san: Still yet. *pushes up her glasses* I wonder where this play is  
going to go . . . 


	6. Act 1, Scene 4

((All righty. . . .*clears throat* Hear ye, hear ye. In this fanfic,  
characters from the following series will represent some people I know.  
Also, there are some original characters (Are they characters? They're  
people I know!). *ahems* I do not own Fushigi Yuugi (as Tasuki will  
represent my Bro), Sailor Moon (Aino Minako will represent the poor blonde  
of whom is victim to my merciless teasing and Mizuno Ami will represent the  
sarcastic bloonette), Kodomo no Omocha [or Kodocha for short] (Kurata Sana  
represents the poor Canadian of whom I pick on), or Gundam Wing (Quatre  
represents my current koibito, and Duo = me; Duh), blah blah blah. I also  
don't own William Shakespeare's 'Romeo and Juliet'. Now, on with the  
madness!))  
  
ACT 1, SCENE 4  
  
*enter Romeo, Mercutio, Benvolio, five or six random people with masks,  
torch bearers, and more insignificant others*  
  
Mercutio (Duo): Holy shit these pants are tight!  
  
Romeo (Tasuki): Don't tell me you're getting horny again . . .  
  
Mercutio: No, it ain't that! I mean, really, look at these! *poses in the  
costume spandex* They're squeezing my ass cheeks!  
  
Benvolio (Quatre): They're spandex; of course they're going to be tight . .  
.  
  
Mercutio: Anybody here seen 'Robin Hood: Men in Tights'?  
  
Benvolio: Aren't we on stage right now?  
  
Mercutio: Oh yeah! My bad!  
  
Romeo: *rolls his eyes* What will be our excuse for just waltzing in? Or  
do we just walk right in without an excuse?  
  
Benvolio: We'll just go in, enjoy ourselves, and if anyone asks, we leave?  
  
Romeo: Eh, sounds good to me.  
  
Mercutio: No! You're going to get your freak on, first!  
  
Romeo: LIKE HELL I AM! Just because YOU can dance doesn't mean we ALL can  
dance!  
  
Mercutio: Awe, c'mon! I don't wanna be the only one on the dance floor  
waving my arms around like some mad idiot! Besides, aren't you the  
hopeless romantic guy? That alone should make you go out and shake yo'  
thang! *shakes his ass to emphasize his point*  
  
Romeo: 'Hopeless romantic guy'? Psh. Love is a horrible thing. It's too  
over-rated.  
  
Mercutio: *stops shaking his ass like a drunken idiot* If love is treating  
you like shit, then maybe you're the one treating love like shit? I mean,  
if you want love to tackle you, tackle love. It's pretty much like that  
whole 'Eye for eye, tooth for tooth' thing, y'know?  
  
Benvolio: Come, knock and enter; and no sooner in, but every man betake him  
to his legs . . . Oh my God . . . Shakespeare was a pervert . . .  
  
Romeo: Pft. Still yet, I've had my chance with love, found out that it  
sucks ass, and now, I leave the game be.  
  
Mercutio: Whatever. You haven't even tried yet, have you? Come, we burn  
daylight, ho!  
  
Romeo: Did you just call me a ho?  
  
Mercutio: No. I was just read that line from the old script.  
  
Romeo: Liar. Anyways, I don't think so.  
  
Mercutio: I mean, not right now, of course. It's not good to rush into  
things. TRUUUUST ME! I mean, I did that once, without lube nonetheless,  
and holy shit it hurt!  
  
Romeo: I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT!  
  
Mercutio: Eh. Just tryin' to make you feel better?  
  
Romeo: Whatever. We'll just go in with these masks and check it out, OK?  
I kinda don't want to, but . . .  
  
Mercutio: Why not?  
  
Romeo: I dreamt of something and it might come true.  
  
Mercutio: So did I.  
  
Romeo: What was yours about?  
  
Mercutio: Those dreamers often lie.  
  
Romeo: But when asleep, they dream of things that come true.  
  
Mercutio: O, then, I see Queen Mab hath been with you. She is the fairies'  
midwife, and she comes in shape no bigger than an agate-stone on the fore-  
finger of an alderman, drawn with a team of little atomies athwart men's  
noses as they lie asleep; her wagon-spokes made of long spiders' legs, the  
cover of the wings of grasshoppers, the traces of the smallest spider's  
web, the collars of the moonshine's watery beams, her whip of cricket's  
bone, the lash of film, her wagoner a small grey-coated gnat, not so big as  
a round little worm prick'd from the lazy finger of a maid; her chariot is  
an empty hazel-nut made by the joiner squirrel or old grub, time out o'  
mind the fairies' coach makers. And in this state she gallops night by  
night through lovers' brains, and then they dream of love; o'er courtiers'  
knees, that dream on court'sies straight, o'er lawyers' fingers, who  
straight dream on fees, o'er ladies ' lips, who straight on kisses dream,  
which oft the angry Mab with blisters plagues, because their breaths with  
sweetmeats tainted are: sometime she gallops o'er a courtier's nose, and  
then dreams he of smelling out a suit; and sometime comes she with a tithe-  
pig's tail tickling a parson's nose as a' lies asleep, then dreams, he of  
another benefice: sometime she driveth o'er a soldier's neck, and then  
dreams he of cutting foreign throats, of breaches, ambuscadoes, Spanish  
blades, of healths five-fathom deep; and then anon drums in his ear, at  
which he starts and wakes, and being thus frighted swears a prayer or two  
and sleeps again. This is that very Mab that plats the manes of horses in  
the night, and bakes the elflocks in foul sluttish hairs, which once  
untangled, much misfortune bodes: this is the hag, when maids lie on their  
backs, that presses them and learns them first to bear, making them women  
of good carriage: This is she--  
  
Romeo: Holy shit, shut up!  
  
Mercutio: Why? I was just reading from the old script-  
  
Romeo: I was reading my line also, idiot.  
  
Mercutio: Oh. Anyways, I can't. We started talking about dreams and I  
just went off like that.  
  
Romeo: I can tell.  
  
Benvolio: Anyways, we're late. Everyone already ate.  
  
Romeo: Nu-huh! We're too early! I mean, look. The starts of the night  
sky haven't even popped up, yet! And you're saying we're too late?  
  
Benvolio: . . . Romeo, shut up.  
  
*end Act 1, Scene 4*  
  
Tasuki: Bro, I have a question.  
  
Duo: Huh?  
  
Tasuki: Why doesn't the script exclude the long-ass text from the old  
script?  
  
Duo: Uhh . . . I dunno . . .  
  
Tasuki: Dumbass . . .  
  
Duo: Well, think of it this way: Shakespeare put a lotta work into this  
play, right? It wouldn't seem right to just cut out all the soliloquy  
parts when he's put so much work into this!  
  
Tasuki: Bro . . . He's dead. And what about the rest of the play?  
  
Duo: Oh look, food! *skips off*  
  
Tasuki: ¬_¬ Idiot . . . 


	7. Act 1, Scene 5

((All righty. . . .*clears throat* Hear ye, hear ye. In this fanfic,  
characters from the following series will represent some people I know.  
Also, there are some original characters (Are they characters? They're  
people I know!). *ahems* I do not own Fushigi Yuugi (as Tasuki will  
represent my Bro), Sailor Moon (Aino Minako will represent the poor blonde  
of whom is victim to my merciless teasing and Mizuno Ami will represent the  
sarcastic bloonette), Kodomo no Omocha [or Kodocha for short] (Kurata Sana  
represents the poor Canadian of whom I pick on), or Gundam Wing (Quatre  
represents my current koibito, and Duo = me; Duh), blah blah blah. I also  
don't own William Shakespeare's 'Romeo and Juliet'. Now, on with the  
madness!))  
  
ACT 1, SCENE 5  
  
*musicians getting impatient to play their instruments. Enter two servants  
of the Capulet's*  
  
First Servant (Tyler): Where's Potpan? That idiot ran off again, didn't  
he?!  
  
Second Servant (Miki): Um. He has no manners. And he doesn't wash his  
hands either.  
  
First Servant: What makes you think I do?  
  
Second Servant: Same here.  
  
First Servant: Anyways, here, do this and that and all the other stuff I  
can't do because I don't feel like it!  
  
Second Servant: All righty!  
  
First Servant: We are being called for. I hope we're not going to get  
another spanking . . .  
  
Second Servant: *calling to the other servants* Since we can't be at two  
places at one time, we're going to be lazy and go to the place that  
requires less labor! *pauses* Or . . . something like that . . . Oh how I  
wish I was smarter . . .  
  
*enter Lord Capulet, Juliet, and random guests and maskers*  
  
Lord Capulet (Miles): Welcome, ladies and germs, to the first annual  
Capulet Beer Bust and Wet T-Shirt contest! *various cheers and shouts*  
Woahkay, my mistresses, who shall dance with me first? Then we'll have  
another dance later but not in public . . . *smirks* Anyways, welcome, men!  
Enjoy the women, drink the beer, and most of all, enjoy yourselves as much  
as possible! Musicians, play some goddamn music, will ya'? *the musicians  
begin to play the music* More light, you idiots! This isn't a porn set!  
Lessen the fire too; it's gonna be a sauna in here soon at this rate. Hey,  
cousin Capulet! Sit down for a while, we don't needa dance! We're too old  
for this . . . How long as it been since we wore masks for these things?  
  
Second Capulet (Yooky): *in a thick old man's voice* Thirty years!  
  
Lord Capulet: Daaaamn! Not too much, but daaaamn! Anyways, isn't one of  
our other cousins only 25 and he doesn't dance?  
  
Second Capulet: He's old, dude. Thirty.  
  
Lord Capulet: Oh really? I was sure that he was younger . . .  
  
Romeo (Tasuki): *to a random servingmen* Hey, whose that blonde beauty over  
there?  
  
Servingmen (Heff): Hell if I know. I just work here.  
  
Romeo: Ou, she's cute! Her blondeness is like a radiance directly from the  
sun! It outshines that of the candles through out this place! Her skin is  
as fair as silk, and her eyes as blue as the sky! She is like a jewel that  
stands out in the crowd of rocks! Beauty too rich for use, yet too good to  
leave her be! Did my heart beat 'til now? Hell no! She, my friend, is my  
soul mate! I have never seen anything so beautiful . . .  
  
Servingmen: *raises a brow* Weirdo . . . *walks off*  
  
Mercutio (Duo): *nudges Romeo* Yo, you're talking to yourself.  
  
Romeo: *off drooling in his own little world*  
  
Mercutio: Uh. Woahkay! *runs off to continue dancing like a drunken idiot*  
  
Tybalt (The Nose *aka* Adam): Holy shit! By that tone of voice . . . It has  
to be! It's a Montague! Someone, give me my rapier! Such a person should  
not be walking within the halls of the Capulet's! Come; let me slay him  
down like the roach he is! To slay him for my family would be of  
committing no sin!  
  
Lord Capulet: Whoa, hold on there, partner! What's the attitude for?  
  
Tybalt: Uncle, there is a Montague here!  
  
Lord Capulet: *squints his eyes* Why, that looks like young Romeo!  
  
Tybalt: Yes, it is. The villain Romeo!  
  
Lord Capulet: Oh, c'mon, leave him alone! He's a pretty nice guy! In  
fact, the city of Verona brags about him. They say he is a virtuous and  
well governed youth. For the good of the town, I wouldn't kick him out of  
my house. So, basically, just ignore him. He did not harm to you, and I  
doubt he will. If you create a scene, it'll give me and my parties a bad  
rep.  
  
Tybalt: Pft. The villain is a GUEST!? This I cannot tolerate.  
  
Lord Capulet: He -WILL- stay, you got that? Be a good boy and don't create  
a scene! Besides, am I master here, or are you? You'll be just like every  
other guest here and don't mind him! Be a man and control your goddamn  
temper!  
  
Tybalt: What a shame, uncle . . .  
  
Lord Capulet: Go away, shoo! You will not persuade me to do anything!  
You're too hot tempered; you need some 'Time Out', boy! It's supposed to  
be nice and merry here tonight; I don't want you ruining it! Now, be quiet  
or I'll . . . do something. What that something is yet I don't know, but  
I'll think of something! Now shoo, away with you!  
  
Tybalt: Fine. I'll go. I'm gone. Of course, I'll never forgive this  
intrusion . . . *narrows eyes as he walks off*  
  
*Tybalt exits*  
  
Romeo: *after finally building up enough guts to approach Juliet* If my  
hand is unworthy to touch you, then I must be a sinner. Come; let me be  
forgiven with those tender lips of yours.  
  
Juliet (Minako): Oh, I'm sorry. What were you saying? *grins*  
  
Romeo: *sweatdrops* Never mind.  
  
Juliet: Just kidding! I heard you. *grins again* So, what wrong did you  
do to make yourself become a sinner? Or what wrong did your hands do?  
  
Romeo: Please, don't let me answer that . . . *perverted mind kicks in*  
  
Mercutio: *dances by them purposely* He whacks off too much! *dances away*  
  
Romeo: *eyes widen*  
  
Juliet: Hmm? *blinks, confused*  
  
Romeo: Anyways, as I was saying, as you have lips of a saint, then must you  
not pray?  
  
Juliet: Pray how so?  
  
Romeo: *sweatdrops again* With your lips.  
  
Juliet: How can I pray with my lips, if you don't mind my asking?  
  
Mercutio: *dances by them purposely again* He wants to kiss ya, blonde!  
*dances off like an idiot*  
  
Romeo: *quickly* I don't know him!  
  
Juliet: A kiss? Sure! *grins cutely*  
  
Romeo: E-Eh, s-s-sure . . . ! *turns a bright red and sweatdrops heavily,  
as he and Juliet kiss*  
  
Juliet: That . . . Was a boring kiss.  
  
Romeo: I can do better!  
  
Nurse (Sana): *runs up to Juliet* Your crazy-ass mother wants you!  
  
Romeo: Who's her mother?  
  
Nurse: The crazy old hag of the house! Basically, the lady of the house.  
She may seem crazy and a bit out of it, but trust me, she's really nice,  
wise, polite, and virtuous. I helped raise her, though, from an infant  
'til now. Her daughter, I mean.  
  
Romeo: She's a Capulet?! Oh shit!  
  
Benvolio (Quatre): *pops up from the dance* Anyways, we should be going  
now!  
  
Romeo: *dazed* Yeah, let's . . .  
  
Lord Capulet: Ah, thank you men for coming! I hope you'll come to the next  
annual Capulet Beer Bust and Wet T-shirt contest, and other parties of ours  
in the future! It was a pleasure to have your company here. Now, be off!  
We all need our sleep! *yawns*  
  
*exit all on stage but Juliet and Nurse*  
  
Juliet: Nurse, come here. Who was that young man?  
  
Nurse: Which young man?  
  
Juliet: The one going out the door?  
  
Nurse: That one in the dress? That's Petrucio.  
  
Juliet: No, not that one! Do you know why he wouldn't dance?  
  
Nurse: Oh. I don't know.  
  
Juliet: Go ask him his name for me! Please? I hope he's not married . . .  
  
Nurse: Oh, that's Romeo. He's a Montague; the only son of your great  
enemy.  
  
Juliet: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!! I'm falling in love with the family enemy!!  
  
Nurse: What?? What was that??  
  
Juliet: Yes, he's the one I've met . . . *swoons*  
  
*someone calls for Juliet*  
  
Nurse: Come, let's go! All the strangers are gone!  
  
Narrator Kookie-san: End Act 1, Scene 5. Act 1, complete!  
  
Minako: Oh my God! Look it how far we've made it! *grins*  
  
Tasuki: *turns red* Y-yeah . . .  
  
Duo: Hey Minako, does Bro really kiss THAT horribly?  
  
Minako: Huh?  
  
Tasuki: *glares and chases after Duo with a chainsaw*  
  
Duo: *runs away, laughing his ass off*  
  
Minako: Weirdoes . . . 


End file.
